What's Going On??
Posted Sep 29 at 6:21 PM
Is there a virus on Reezle?? What's going on?? Should we send out a search party? Should we all take some happy pills? Is this a new phenomenon, or does this always happen at this time of year? Are some of us suffering from Blogstipation, where the words just aren't coming as easily, or have we just lost the blogspiration to post???? ( I think I have blog on the brain...A brainblog if you will...Ok I'll stop now).
It's my sister Mel's birthday today, so I'm giving a shout out to the bestest biatch in the world because I know she reads. *waves and blows kisses*. This chick is the one I aspire to be like. She is a corporate high flyer and a ferocious ball cruncher. Absolutely fearsome in the workplace. She's married to the sweetest guy and they're expecting their first bubba soon. I want her life god dammit!!!
She was the one who started my stiletto obsession. She bought me my first vodka and explained the art of giving a good blow job. She always has the best advice and would help me hide the body if I murdered someone. You can't buy that kind of love!
My best memory of my sis, is the night we stole our dad's car and drove down to Redondo to hang out in the car park. As you do. Mel was 17, and the only reason she dragged me along (aged 13) was because the last time she snuck out, I told our parents and she was grounded forever! ( I HAD to tell them. She was gone for hours. I was so worried I was throwing up. I was convinced she was dead. Leave me alone I was only a kid ok)
So anyway, we cruised down with music pumping, and I thought I was the shit! It didn't matter that she ditched me as soon as we got there to hang out with all her friends. It was enough that I was THERE to watch the teenaged shenanigans. Her boyfriend bought me ice-creams and chips, and even let me had some of the alcamahol. Then I started to feel sick.
I bitched and moaned about it till Mel agreed to take me home. Half way there I told her I needed to vomit, but she wouldn't stop. The car was almost on empty and she didn't want to risk it, so when I threw up all over the back seat, she was ready to throw me out of the car and run me over!
She still wouldn't stop though. So we drove home with out heads out the window to avoid the vomit stench. Once we rolled the car back into the driveway we had one huge delimma. How the hell would we clean the car up?? It was 3am. We were tired. She was pissed off, but we couldn't just leave it like that. Our asses would be toast!
I was shitting myself. I imagined our dad chaining us to our bedrooms and getting bars on the windows so we'd never escape again. I was sure we'd never see daylight again. Tears welled up in my eyes but Mel was having none of it. "Stop your snivelling. I have an idea". She snuck around the back of the house and found our cat curled up in his basket. She picked him up and put him in the car.
" What's Smokey ( the cat) gonna do, eat the vomit up?" I asked in horror
" No, you idiot. Dad will think the cat jumped in the car and spewed when he was left in there overnight. Problem solved"
" But how would the cat have gotten in there?"
" Maybe he jumped in when Dad opened the door to get out" She giggled
" But Smoney hates being in the car"
" Oh for fucks sake, do you have a better idea chunder guts?"
So the next morning, my restless, guilty slumber was shattered when I heard my dad swearing and slamming about downstairs. He was about to go to Golf when he found an unpleasant surprise in the car. The cat had not only vomited (supposedly) but had SHIT in there aswell. He was sooo grossed out he didn't notice the car was on empty or that the vomit had a kind of beer-ish odor about it.
We were saved. The best part was, my brother had been the last one to use the car before us. HE was blamed for using all the gas AND for the cat being in the car to spew and shit. It was his job to clean it up.
Mel never was a cat person.
Happy Birthday biatch. I hope the karma gods don't catch up with us anytime soon over that one.
AliAshG8TR
backroads
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Can you clone your sis and send her my way please? lol