Pass the disinfectant

I'm trying to get fit again. Once upon a time I could take three modern dance classes, back to back and think nothing of it. NOW, my exercise regime consists of walking briskly between my desk and the snack machine. And the crap I buy and consume at said machine, kind of negates the walking briskly bit.

But anyway, I feel the need to do some sort of exercise and considering the weather has been a complete bitch ( it's entirely possible to lose a pound or two just sitting and sweating) I thought, why not try Aqua Aerobics? How hard could it be? I'd be nice and cool in the water, float around a bit. Exercise problem sorted.
Firstly, it's not as frickin easy at it looks and I discovered that one can sweat underwater! If my muscles could talk they would be giving me the silent treatment today ( did that make sense?) But that's not my issue today. The problem is the conversation I overheard in the showers afterwards and the realization that my germ phobia is completely rational and warranted.

I've always been a tad dubious about public pools, especially since my brother told me about the time a big, black turd floated past him at Bolsa Grande's pool, as casual as Mr Hanky on his day off. Errugghh! But after today, I don't think I'll venture into one again.

So, there were two chicks that came to the class late and just fuck arsed around, didn't take it seriously ( cuz you know how serious aqua aerobics is, all that bobbing around, gyrating underwater etc. It's a sport ya know). Anyway, afterwards in the shower, I was eavesdropping so hard I think I pulled a muscle in my ear. However I really wished I hadn't.

Chick-1; Fuckin hell, we should have given this a miss. My legs are caning!
Chick-2; Yeah, true. But I bet yours are aching from being flung over your head with Aaron!
Chick-1; hahahaha! It's lucky I even made it here on time, we had the best sex before I left, didn't even have time to clean up.

Ok at this point, I'm thinking, eww, so this is her first shower today??? ohhhh jebus, I've been swimming around in the combined jizz of skanky ho ho and her horny boyfriend.

Chick-2; Ah ya dirty slut, thanks for telling me.

I'm thinking OH. MY. GOD! But it didn't end there. skanyhoho had further bodily fluids she wanted to share.

Chick-1; Move out of the way Kirsty I wanna hang a piss!!!

I bolted out of there like the devil himself was chasing me. I spent forty minutes in my own shower trying to de-germify myself. I seriously considered using industrial strength bleach! I don't need this shit. I already open bathroom doors, flush and turn on taps with my feet and elbow for christs sake. How much more can I do to protect myself from nasty asshats like that????

* Finally, the girl mafia needs your help. Remember the cheating bastard? Well my friend kicked him out. Yay! But hold up. He had the nerve to ask her if he could store some of his stuff at her house, as his mistress whore bag only has a small apartment. Ohhh diddums, the poor thing. So she agreed to let him keep a chest of drawers, some clothes and luggage in her spare room. We have some evil plans for his property. Or rather for the destruction of his property. Anybody got any suggestions? We're open to all offers.