The first element of our revised home has been purchased. We got our new dishwasher today. It is the first element in our new kitchen. I am currently trying to figure out how to remove the old one. I was told the 2 screws in the bottom of the countertop are all that holds it in. I took them out and the old one can be wiggled side to side but won't budge foward. I also don't know if it is hard wired into the electric or whether I have a water shutoff behind it. This ought to be interesting. I need to get it out by the time the new one is delivered on Saturday so that they haul it away for free.

Hey I'm excited! We have the first piece of stainless steel in our kitchen!

We are rapidly outgrowing our office building. I am lucky enough to work in an industry that is still growing. There have been all kinds of rumors about what the company will do. The city of Newark pitched us a sweetheart deal,but we turned it down.(Thamk God! I spent 30 years trying to get out of that town.) Then a realtor that we had some lease space we acquired when we bought out another company tried a deal, their prices were way too high. Next was assing an addition over our parking lot,that didn't allow for enough parking space for our occupancy load. Next we were definately moving to one of 5 select locations, but our CEO shot that one down.

The latest is that we are buying a smaller 75000 sq.ft. building within a haaaalf mile of our current locaation. A couple of departments ,primarily engineering will move there. The catch of this rumor is that I will become the building manager at the new location and reopen an in-house printshop. It would be nice,but I am not holding my breath.

I haven't written anything about shit in weeks!

I got the news I have been waiting for today.Finally...and it was good. I have been praying for it for some time now. Not so much what happened,but at least news one way or the other. I have also prayed for strngth,serenity and guidance. I have asked for it for my family rather than myself. Last night my friend Fred said he would pray for a good outcome.Thank you Fred,He was listening to both of us.

After getting a less than satisfactory equity offer from my bank, my benefits coordinator at work suggested the company credit union. I applied. Last week while my wife and I were enjoying our mini-vacation they assigned my application to a woman named Jeany. In 10 days she worked her ass off and today I got an e-mail as I ate lunch. "Your loan has been approved, I am sending you your papers to sign overnight." It finally happened.

Thank you Jeany for your hard work. Thank you Fred for your prayers. Thank you Mellie for hanging in there and having confidence in me. And most all, thank you God, for keeping me sober today and answering my prayers.

Damn had to go back to work today. It sucked!!!

Ah,but last week...Last week was heavenly...It was the best vacation ever! And you know whu? Because I have the best wife evr, that's why! She took me to the beach at Wildwood,NJ for a couple of days without the rest of the "Brady Bunch". It was the honeymoon we never had. Monday was possibly the most romantic and relaxing day ever! And then we slept in every day for the rest of the week. Grant you the bad sunburn helped. And then she got to peel me!

I love that woman!

It's my birfday!

Happy birthday to me,number 53! Never thought I make it this long.There was a time when a hard partying outlaw biker never thought he'd make 40. And yet here I am , now a happy family man with a massive brood of children and pets, and a sexy wife who loves me. THey all lined up to hug me this morning and the 5 year old punched me in the balls and said Happy Birthday! What more can I ask for?

Ihave love,I have family,I have another birthday and I have today.

Yesterday was the lowest point of despair I have experienced in quite some time. I would describe it as an emotional bottom. Mel had also suffered through one of those days and was feeling about as low as I was. We both felt like giving up. Then we went out into the yard and had a long talk. We made some seemingly tough decisions. One of them was to still spend at least a day at the beach. It would be the honeymoon we never had. Ws would just shorten our stay.Another was to just hang in there with the difficulties that seemed to be bogging our planned addition to home down. Money seemed to have almost run out.

Today she called me and said we still had to pay for the full stay. I said lets go for it. I so want to walk on the beach holding hands in the moonlight. Then I checked my bank account after lunch and told her we had the money to go. A month and a half of belt tightening had built us up a nice reserve without realizing it. Then a dividend check showed up in the mail and my economic stimulus is due next week. The closing on our equity loan should also happen next week and I get an extra pay check this month. We caan breathe again.

It's going to be okay.

I have to stop letting fear crush me. I need to stop worrying about everything and projecting the worst. I need to just live life and enjoy living.

After all , all I really have is today and that's a gift. That's why they call today the "present".

One day at a time...I need to remember that.

Today I spent too much time in my own head. It is the worst place for me to be. I become overly obcessed with something and forget all else. I over focus and begin to project what will happen and usually become mired in a cloud of negativity. I develope heartburn and get nauseous. My thoughts are like a hamster on one of those wheels. No matter how fast I go I stay in that same negative place.

My wife recognizes my faults and tries to rescue me from myself. Most of the time she can be very successful in her attempts. I love her for that. I love her for a lot of other things too.Thank God she loves me so much.

It sucks to overwhelm myself, I need to learn to take a deep breath now and then and relax. Life will work itself out.

Today I had to do the right thing. About a year and half ago I guy I used to call Redneck Willy came into AA. He had been popped for a DWI and decided it was time to stop. A court order is what brought me in, he came in before his case went to court. He was a rough-edged loudmouth hillbilly back then who talked incessantly about fishing and hunting. He was an aquaintance during my final drinking days. At least he said he was, I didn't remeber him. He latched right onto me as his new buddy in the rooms and I thought he was truly annoying.

Times change, people change. The farther Willy got away from his last drink the more he changed. He got quieter. He got cleaner. Sanity returned to him slowly. He told everyone the reason he knew he could get sober was because a crazy guy like me had gotten sober. He told me how much he respected me and admired me. I gave him my Big Book, hell I must have a half dozen of them. Then he asked me to be his sponsor and I accepted.

About a month or so ago I was saying a morning prayer and asked God for guidance and help to get through the slow adventure our home addition has become. In return I promised to always help anyone who asked for help from that point foward. That night Willy asked me if I would go to court with him when his DWI case came up. He had been granted an automatic appeal pending a lawsuit against the new device that the police were using to determine BAL. My first thought was "Damn! God was listening this morning and he's calling me on it." But then I knew it was the right thing to do and I said yes.
I went with Willy today and spoke with his lawyer. The Judge gave Willy the minimum, but Willy had pled guilty to begin with. And he was okay with it. Both Willy and his wife thanked me for being there.

He never had a thought of a drink. He said to me today that a day like today is why he never wants to drink again. The crazy redneck has become a good friend and will do anything for me. He is a union carpenter and has offered to help me fix anything around the house. He can also fix anything mechanical. He fixed my lawn mower for free. I know I did the right thing today, and I guess that is one of the reasons that Willy respects me so much.